Last night, I thought things were really looking up. I spent some time with God, just sitting in his presence again. I was telling Him how I only have a week and a half left of high school and how badly my school needs His love. I was begging Him to reveal what He had planned for the future of my school. The next part is really cool. I felt Him speak to me. Well, slap me is more like it, ha. If God could physically slap people in the face, well He can, but you get the idea, I definitely felt it. It was like, "Uh, girl, I've been waitin' for you to ask Me this." Haha. He told me that He has something huge planned, but I'm still waiting to know what this huge thing is. I feel like the clock is winding down, but I know God has it in His hands. Things will play out how they are meant to.
Well, now to the crash and burn...
I was on the phone with a good friend last night. I was telling him all of what I felt God had spoken to me and asked him for help. We then got into another conversation. It was a pretty deep conversation. That doesn't seem too bad, right? Wrong. Earlier in the day, my friends' hearts were getting broken left and right it seemed. Even my own was in major need of repair. Well, some drama broke out. Cool, right? Again, no. I felt like I thought I had lost everything. Little did I know, there was more to lose. I'm not going to lie, I felt like I lost my best friends. I guess I didn't, and I hope I'm guessing right.
Angelina came and visited me on break today at work. I really needed a friend and she came. I'm really glad for that. It helped comfort me. She listened when I told her how my life was a mess and I felt like it was beyond repair. Honestly, I know it is repairable. It just takes a whole lot of Jesus and a massive amount of time.
So in sum, today didn't make things better. The only way things are going to get better are by putting them in God's hands.
Here's the "To-Do List" of my life. Are you ready? Well if you aren't, too bad, ha. Here it goes:
- Focus on my relationship with Jesus more.
- Fix my relationship with Jesus.
- Fix myself.
- Love myself.
- Fix my relationship with my parents.
- Fix my relationships with my best friends.
- Fix relationships with the people I've hurt of the past year that I haven't already.
- Fix my relationship with the boy I fell for, after my heart is long healed.
Pray request time! Pray that I have the courage, strength, and motivation to to all of the above. Pray that my relationships strengthen with others. Pray that my friends' hearts heal. Pray that my heart becomes rejuvenated and healed. Pray that I protect my heart, I thought I had it down, but I guess not.
Okay, I know you're probably annoyed with me by now. I'm sorry if that's the case. But just love me right now, please? I need it more than you know. Don't be afraid to check on me a lot. I need that a lot, too. Just shoot me a text. Ask me to hang out. When you see me, hug me really tight. Check up on me, a lot. Anything. I really, really need your love and support.
Thank you for all your love and support guys, I really mean it.
God bless,
Emily.
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